just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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