i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
