i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
