I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
