i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
