so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
