Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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