Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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