I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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