in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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