Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
zippers are such a cool invention
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
