It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
