I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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