this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
