I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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