I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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