I hope mine doesn't look like that
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
