you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
