Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
