My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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