apparently the secret to your success is patron
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
