Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
