four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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