just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
