I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
