We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
