My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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