"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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