Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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