she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
