If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
