Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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