What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
