YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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