She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
