That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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