Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it's like iHOP with fire
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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