Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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