I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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