You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
