So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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