Barsexuality is the new black.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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