im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
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Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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