This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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