she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
