What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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