Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My nipple is on Facebook.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
