so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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