but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
