The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
