He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I am available for nakedness
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
