i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
