I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
