Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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