whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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