btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
