I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
