there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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