Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
