her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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