Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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