She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
